New Year’s Resolutions

I know it is already part way through February. And I have seen quite a bit on my Facebook feed people talking about their resolutions. How they are succeeding so far, and in most cases, how they are already failing so far. Which got me to thinking about resolutions. We all want to do something better every year. We make plans and an idea forms of how to do better as the clock strikes midnight and we vow to do that in the new year. I am pretty certain, however, that many of these plans and ideas might be alcohol induced. Which is partly why they might fail. But what about the ones whom are sober and make a resolution? That I do not have an answer for. I really do not. While browsing, reading, and just playing on the internet (instead of doing housework but I had an excuse – the baby was asleep on me); I found a post in a blog that talked about resolutions. Then everything clicked and it made sense as to why these elaborate resolutions fail. Especially the ones I have had in the past. Which is why I didn’t come up with one this year.

After reading that post though…I think I can handle a one word resolution for the year. Then I got to thinking which word would I strive for this year? There are so many I could bloody choose from that I want/need/desire/insert whichever verb here. I think I have come up with my word for this year after some contemplation of it over dinner. My word for this year is:

GRACE

Grace to accept compliments even when I do not feel at my best.

Grace to accept myself for who I am and how I look.

Grace to accept help when it is offered and/or needed.

Grace to ask for help when it is needed.

Why grace? Especially to accept compliments? I have always had a hard time accepting them. Even still to this day when I am complimented by Steve I find a way to put it down. Oh my hair isn’t brushed. Oh please I look like shit today. I haven’t had a shower in a few days I can’t be that great looking. The list goes on.

I have also come to the realization that media skews our perceptions of beauty. So bugger it all! I am not going to try and fret about my weight and what I am eating to try and loose a few more pounds. I am back in my pre-pregnancy clothes, I am healthy, what more could I ask for? I eat healthy enough when our budget allows. We do not eat very much processed crap, if at all. So here is my one finger salute to the media and their perception of beauty. I am accepting myself and the compliments I receive with grace this year. Oh and I enjoyed that steak I had for dinner tonight. Screw the calories. It was damn good.

For those up to it…what is your word for this year?

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Mommy’s Happy Hour

As you lay beside me sleeping I cannot help myself to just stare. I should be sleeping as well, I haven’t been feeling well today. But there are so many things to do still but the list can wait. I smell your soap on your skin and hair from last night’s bath and cannot help but smile just remembering. The laughs that echoed on the tiles as you played in the bath water splashing your father. I feel your warm little body next to mine and I curl up closer. I want the moment to stay.

This is mommy’s happy hour.

When all is quiet in the house. Even the cats are asleep. I should know – two are asleep at my feet. I stare. I remember. I think. And I whisper over and over in my mind “I love you”.

I remember when we brought you home how tiny and frail you seemed. That when you slept you were all curled up like you were still inside of me. Now, you sleep like a starfish, legs and arms spread out. I remember the first time I caught you giggling and smiling in your sleep and how hard it was to not start giggling alongside you. Just because it was that cute. It still is. It makes me wonder do babies dream? And if so, what do they dream about?

Almost 17 months later, I think I may have an idea of what babies dream of. Especially at your age. The adventures you will have, the places you will go and the things that you will do. Your imagination has no limits. I may not understand why you like to put the couch cushions and throw pillows on the floor. But it is part of your adventure.

I enjoy mommy’s happy hour. It is when all seems right in this world. At least for a moment. I do not know why you must fight these naps but you will understand when you are older, if you have children of your own, why naps are so wonderful. Because it is mommy’s happy hour to just relax, remember, and marvel at life. When we are adults we tend to forget to stop and marvel at the little things in life. Do not loose it too soon my little pumpkin. Do not grow up too fast. Let me enjoy this little moment for it shall not last.

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Mommy’s happy hour captured in black and white with a cellphone one day.

It Will Be Different

It will get easier.

It will get better.

I think if I had a dollar for every single time I heard one of the two above phrases uttered I would be a millionaire. Or at least rich enough to be able to be in some warmer climate right now instead of shivering in the Canadian winter cold. Thank you Mother Nature for the mid-January thaw!

How many of us have heard those phrases uttered? Especially when griping about a bad day. Am I the only one that wants to shake or throttle the person who tells me them? Please tell me I am not alone!

Now for those moms out there with newborns whom might be staying up all night, I sympathize. Not because I have been there, but rather, that you might be hearing these phrases right now from friends and family. It is all in the spirit of trying to be uplifting, positive, and supportive. I understand that. But I am putting my foot down and calling bullshit. It will not get easier. It will not get better. Do you want to know what it will be? It is a little secret….but here it is….

It will be different.

Yes, different.

Do you know why it will be different? Children change. They grow up. Their needs and wants change. They learn different ways to express themselves (although I do not see how the tantrums are expression I suppose it is my daughter’s way). They are constantly learning. We may not see the little changes but we do see the big changes. From being carried out of the hospital, to oh shit the baby can roll over, to uh oh the baby is crawling and then there is the we need child gates the baby is walking! Now do you see how it will be different?

The only reason it seem better or easier is because we, as parents, are also learning and changing alongside our children. Shocking isn’t it? We learn their preferences. We learn their attitudes and what works for them. That is why it will “be better” or “be easier”. But that is utter bullshit. It is different.

So chins up and remember to not choke the next person that tells you it will be better or easier. Just smile and say “No, it will be different.” Or at least try to. Trust me, I am trying to remember it myself as I go on this crazy path that is called child raising/rearing. I think I like the word child rearing some days. I do feel like I am trying to rear an unruly herd of cattle or something and I just have one child. How other people have more, I do not know. Brave brave souls. Or just completely crazy!

(Side note – I know I have not posted in awhile, January has already proven to be crazy for us. I am hoping February will be better.)

Oops…

So I seem to have been slacking off with the blog. Christmas was crazy (can we say lots of driving?) as was New Year’s Eve. But hey! I managed to stay up til midnight to ring in the new year with friends! Booyah! Although we did leave at 12:30. I was just too tired to go on. And oddly enough…I missed the munchkin. Who was fast asleep on the couch at grandma’s when we got there. Which was cute. Now that I think of it I should have taken a picture. Damn!

So now it is 2014. And thank god for that. 2013 was BRUTAL! Fun but brutal. Planning a wedding in the first 6 months. I think we hit every store in Montreal for ideas and trying to make it work in a limited budget. It was awesome! The last part…well…sort of fun. The move from one city to another. Ok more like from one province to another as well. So here is to 2014 and NO MORE MOVING! At least not until next year please. I am still unpacking boxes.

I was browsing Facebook as per usual in the morning while eating my breakfast and trying to get the little one to eat her Cheerios. She loves her Cheerios but my banana bread won her over. I saw the following picture a friend shared and it rang true. Moms (and dads) are rockstars!

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I think I might have to check out the blog it came from!

The Adventures of Going to the ER

So last night after dinner, Steve finally decided his ankle was not getting any better (more like getting worse and the other ankle was getting bad as well) and off to the ER we went. I was prepared for a loooong night at the ER. Where we used to live, a standard waiting time at the ERĀ if you were lucky was at least twelve hours. Twenty-four if you were not. Suffice to say, I was amazed and impressed with the efficiency of the ER in our new town (it is not big enough to say city). Three hours later and we were back home! YAY! At least this ER had comfortable chairs…when we were not up and about running after Ashlynn.

Yesterday, while at home, she was an unholy terror. I am not sure if it is because she is teething or what. But fuck. Little monster on two feet let me tell you! The minute we got to the ER, completely whole different personality! Bubbly, happy, and out-going. Wait a minute. Out-going? Wanting to make friends? What happened to my little girl that goes all freak-out, melt-down stranger danger in the stores and out on the street? Or is it because the nurses were willing to cater to your every whim and desire? Including the wonderful nurse who got you juice and cookies. Little sneaky bugger. I knew kids were sneaky! Now I have proof!

So after blood work, two x-rays, urine sample and being poked and prodded we will know the results in about 8 days for one of the blood tests. The other blood test came back negative for uric acid, so that means no gout. YAY! Bad news is though he might have rheumatoid arthritis or some other inflammatory disease. Well this will make life more interesting. Best thing we can do is keep a positive outlook and make the best of things. Sometime this week he will get to go see a specialist and there he will probably get poked and prodded some more. Now he knows how I felt when I was pregnant. At least he has it lucky when having to give a urine sample; just aim for the cup and go. Unlike us women, especially when pregnant, I used to joke around that I should become a carnival side-show act because of it. Step right up! Come and see the Pregnant Contortionist!

The Season is Upon Us

Tomorrow is December 1st. For some, the Christmas season has already started. Personally, it isn’t ‘Christmas season’ until tomorrow officially. I will admit that I have started decorating for Christmas. We have our Santa Clause “Ho Ho Ho” wreath up on our balcony door, a little penguin 38944with a bell door knob hanger hanging from the front door, and upon our dining room table is a cute little penguin whose belly lights up and changes colours. I was cheap when buying these things though. The Dollar Store is definitely my friend! The biggest splurge for a Christmas decoration is our dancing/singing penguin from The Home Depot. When I first saw him, I fell in love. He does not sing a traditional Christmas carol. Oh no no. To the tune of Jingle Bells he sings about Christmas candy and being on a sugar rush. What is there not to love about that? Oh and can you tell I absolutely love penguins? Other than cats (of all sorts) and wolves; penguins are another of my favourite animal. And to be honest, I have yet to find any cat themed decorations for the house for Christmas. Halloween, yes. Christmas, no. If I had a glue gun and perhaps was a little craftier I would do so. Maybe one of these days.

Ashlynn seems more interested in Christmas this year than last. Although she still does not seem too sure about it. She does not understand the hooplah of the season. Nor will she remember anything bought in front of her for her gifts. Next year, on the other hand, is a completely different story.

I am hoping that next year she will help me out in the kitchen with baking. I remember baking cookies with my grandmother for Christmas. Hell, pretty much all year round. Whenever I visited Nanny, cookies were to be made! What fun! Plus next year I can find crafts for her to do. And as the years go by the crafts can get more complicated! What fun! I actually cannot wait! Poor Steve won’t know what hit him in the years to follow mwahahaha. He will come home from work to an arts and crafts zone. And this is what happens when you marry someone who loves to craft although no promises of being all that great at it.

For those that really know me; know that I do not follow the Christian religion. It just isn’t me. Despite this I have been trying to get more and more into the season for the little one. And so to help myself get into the season I was thinking of making an advent calendar via my blog starting tomorrow! This should prove interesting! I am hoping that those who read this (and follow or what not) will leave comments. Oh and if I am slacking to prod me in the right direction to do a blog post of my advent calendar. I cannot promise that it will follow traditional symbolism of Christmas but it is worth a shot! If you are offended by Pagan/Wiccan symbolism, be warned, there might be some coming up in the following days as the Winter Solstice is fast approaching as well.