New Year’s Resolutions

I know it is already part way through February. And I have seen quite a bit on my Facebook feed people talking about their resolutions. How they are succeeding so far, and in most cases, how they are already failing so far. Which got me to thinking about resolutions. We all want to do something better every year. We make plans and an idea forms of how to do better as the clock strikes midnight and we vow to do that in the new year. I am pretty certain, however, that many of these plans and ideas might be alcohol induced. Which is partly why they might fail. But what about the ones whom are sober and make a resolution? That I do not have an answer for. I really do not. While browsing, reading, and just playing on the internet (instead of doing housework but I had an excuse – the baby was asleep on me); I found a post in a blog that talked about resolutions. Then everything clicked and it made sense as to why these elaborate resolutions fail. Especially the ones I have had in the past. Which is why I didn’t come up with one this year.

After reading that post though…I think I can handle a one word resolution for the year. Then I got to thinking which word would I strive for this year? There are so many I could bloody choose from that I want/need/desire/insert whichever verb here. I think I have come up with my word for this year after some contemplation of it over dinner. My word for this year is:

GRACE

Grace to accept compliments even when I do not feel at my best.

Grace to accept myself for who I am and how I look.

Grace to accept help when it is offered and/or needed.

Grace to ask for help when it is needed.

Why grace? Especially to accept compliments? I have always had a hard time accepting them. Even still to this day when I am complimented by Steve I find a way to put it down. Oh my hair isn’t brushed. Oh please I look like shit today. I haven’t had a shower in a few days I can’t be that great looking. The list goes on.

I have also come to the realization that media skews our perceptions of beauty. So bugger it all! I am not going to try and fret about my weight and what I am eating to try and loose a few more pounds. I am back in my pre-pregnancy clothes, I am healthy, what more could I ask for? I eat healthy enough when our budget allows. We do not eat very much processed crap, if at all. So here is my one finger salute to the media and their perception of beauty. I am accepting myself and the compliments I receive with grace this year. Oh and I enjoyed that steak I had for dinner tonight. Screw the calories. It was damn good.

For those up to it…what is your word for this year?

Mommy’s Happy Hour

As you lay beside me sleeping I cannot help myself to just stare. I should be sleeping as well, I haven’t been feeling well today. But there are so many things to do still but the list can wait. I smell your soap on your skin and hair from last night’s bath and cannot help but smile just remembering. The laughs that echoed on the tiles as you played in the bath water splashing your father. I feel your warm little body next to mine and I curl up closer. I want the moment to stay.

This is mommy’s happy hour.

When all is quiet in the house. Even the cats are asleep. I should know – two are asleep at my feet. I stare. I remember. I think. And I whisper over and over in my mind “I love you”.

I remember when we brought you home how tiny and frail you seemed. That when you slept you were all curled up like you were still inside of me. Now, you sleep like a starfish, legs and arms spread out. I remember the first time I caught you giggling and smiling in your sleep and how hard it was to not start giggling alongside you. Just because it was that cute. It still is. It makes me wonder do babies dream? And if so, what do they dream about?

Almost 17 months later, I think I may have an idea of what babies dream of. Especially at your age. The adventures you will have, the places you will go and the things that you will do. Your imagination has no limits. I may not understand why you like to put the couch cushions and throw pillows on the floor. But it is part of your adventure.

I enjoy mommy’s happy hour. It is when all seems right in this world. At least for a moment. I do not know why you must fight these naps but you will understand when you are older, if you have children of your own, why naps are so wonderful. Because it is mommy’s happy hour to just relax, remember, and marvel at life. When we are adults we tend to forget to stop and marvel at the little things in life. Do not loose it too soon my little pumpkin. Do not grow up too fast. Let me enjoy this little moment for it shall not last.

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Mommy’s happy hour captured in black and white with a cellphone one day.